“You’re Overthinking It.”
It sounds harmless. Practical, even. Something that calms someone. But this sentence is seldom ever employed for harmless situations. It is always deployed when a woman is talking about an unease that lacks proof.
An unusual comment. A tone that lasted for too long. A pattern that hasn’t yet fully revealed itself.
The way of responding changes, such that rather than engaging with what is actually being said, it focuses entirely on the way it is being processed.
Essentially, the message being conveyed here is, “It’s not the situation, it’s your perception of it.”
This dismissal works well, too, in that it masquerades under the guise of logic. It implies that logic and emotional responses exist at opposite ends of the spectrum, and since women have been sociologically attributed with the label “emotionality” anyway, it sounds quite convincing.
"The overthinking turns into a flaw. " Intuition turns to irrationality. Pattern recognition turns to paranoia.
But what is lost is that many types of harm are not sensational. They are additive. They are created from small contradictions, slight exclusions, repetitive interruptions, uneven expectations. At times, these are difficult processes to quickly define in one sentence – especially while the processes are being created. “The same society that criticizes women for ‘thinking too much’ often rewards them with the accolade that they ‘always knew that all along.’”
This-needs-not-mean overthinking. This means thinking carefully in places that are not built to be safe. Being aware means self-protecting. Thinking means surviving.
A better response would not close down that kind of conversation, but rather open it up.
“What are you noticing?”
"Why does this feel off to you?"
These questions presuppose that the data of perception are untainted.
Since, actually, the problem here is not overthinking.
❝
It is the way that women are always instructed to distrust their perception of reality. This one’s for you if you have ever been told that you were over thinking the situation, which turned out to be true anyway. Send this to someone that could use this reminder that clarity is not bad.